When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
