He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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