I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
