I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
her vagine was all disorganized.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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