I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
