I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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