he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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