Where did you get a picture of my penis
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
