i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
