you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
