dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
