Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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