Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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