According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
