Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
