Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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