he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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