Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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