I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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