thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
