Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
