My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
