remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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