i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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