I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
