I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
