I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
