well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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