I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
