and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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