I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
