I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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