i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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