Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
