ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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