Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
