There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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