shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
