You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
