i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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