goodnight i made you a song goodbye
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
