I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
