His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
