hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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