using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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