I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
