forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
