loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
