I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
