I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
