I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
