saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
