walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I pour the whiskey from now on
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
