I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
