after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
