He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
