You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
All the doctor said was why
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
