Swine flu. Run for my life!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
