After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
