Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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