I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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