i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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