My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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