dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
